Day Dreams and What-Ifs

I think I’m slowly starting to realize that maybe just maybe it’s not that I can’t move on without you but rather that I don’t want to. Maybe I don’t want to go a day in my life without you in it.

I’m sure that after I cried all the tears that my barely used tear ducts could manage, I would be able to go through my days as I did before I met you…

But you gave me the best days of my life, and I don’t want to lose those.

It’s weird to think that you have literally saved my life and I’m not sure you even know that. I think about you every second…
of every minute…
of every hour…
of every day…
of every week…
of every month…
of every year…

And I have no idea if I ever cross your mind. Ever.
You’re all I want but I know that since I cherish our friendship, I can’t tell you that.

And that is painful.

I have a longing desire to be held, and I used to not care by who, I would take any form of love from anyone who was willing to love me.. even if just for one night

But not now..

Now all I want is you. I want your arms to be wrapped around my body with our hands interlocked. I want to be close to you and hear your heartbeat. I want to be the reason you smile and the reason you can go through the day. I want you to look forward to seeing me at the end of a hard day at work

But I know that’s irrational
I know that you could never feel towards me what I feel towards you

You barely talk to me anymore and it seems like I’ve done something wrong.. pushed too hard… stepped too far… said the wrong thing..
But you insist I didn’t…

It’s even more terrifying because I think I love you

But I guess I’ll just have to live of daydreams and what-ifs


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